A few disconnected observations...
Today are the last day of hols. Tomorrow I'll be in a train, and day after, I will be back in law school. I don't wanna go back. I'm trying to make myself feel 'positive' and am trying to be optimistic (which is very difficult, because I am actually an eternal pessimist), but well am failing. I'm dreading the deadlines, submissions, exams...grr! Oh and today I learnt that one of my first cousins, quite a close one, is off to the States to study. That's one more on the list of those bound for North American countries. She (cousin) is going, my own brother is going, a really really close Bombay friend is going (from now on, NM) and a certain Virgo (ass! Hence CV) is going - the first for a two yr course, the second for a four year course, the third for four / five months. My sense of isolation currently is rather marked. Sigh. I realise that their going is 'inevitable' (as the Mother calls it), that 'everyone has to go', but, to put it crudely, it rather sucks. I feel like Peyton in One Tree Hill. She keeps on saying that everyone leaves.
Yes, I'm rather a sitcom buff. Was, actually.
While reading the paper today, came across a shocker - our lovely government is reserving faculty seats for SCs and STs in the IITs. Faculty seats! Gosh. Umm, no wonder so many are off to U.S. !
There's this Rajasthani restaurant near my place, called - 'Jodha Cooks for Akbar'. I'm not a 'hard core' feminist, but did feel slight indignation and amusement on reading it.! It's a blatant sterotyping of women and an assumption of what their roles should be...! I'm sure it was unintentional, but that's what makes such labelling worse. Oh and it's quite funny too. I'm quite sure that Jodha anyway didn't cook for Akbar- they must be having a zillion bawarchis (or well whatever they're called!) to cook for them. Plus I don't think Akbar had Rajasthani cuisine (isn't Rajasthani cuisine vegetarian? Wouldn't he like have Mughlai, umm, non-vegetarian food?). I dunno what they've shown in the movie though. Lol, anyway there are allegations that there are misrepresentations in the film. Oh and weirdly, most chefs in these restaurants are anyway men... so well, Jodha does not cook for Akbar!
I realise that the last observation was especially pointless. But well had been wanting to write it down for sometime!
A few questions
1. There's this movie coming out, with the the tagline - 'When do you know it's love?'. My question - when do you know it's not love, or rather, when do you know it's no longer love? And does that then mean 'The End'? What is the end? No talking, forgetting everything, pretending it no longer existed? What if there is no 'end'? I don't know how many of you watch Grey's Anatomy (please do, it's super fun!) but well at the end of Season 3 there's this scene where Meredith screams to the world in general and to Derek in specific - 'It's over, it's so over.' - signifying to the audience that Meredith and Derek (the main couple) are finally off. Umm... but next season they're back at it again. Then I was reading the newspaper today, there was this news about a couple which has gotten back (and is probably re-marrying) after they got divorced way back in 1998. How does this work ya?
Oh and does one just 'give up' when the other is confused? Is it an 'insult' to one's 'self-respect', is it self-humiliating and degrading to not give up? Is an agreement to 'discuss' things after a certain time period, to keep everything in 'abeyance' - does that signify the end? During that 'time period' what does one do? Treat the 'thing' you had as the end? Again what does one 'do' if it's the end? And then again, what if it's not the end? What if there still is love and before you say it, there is love enough? Can someone please answer these questions?!
2. To divert a little, why o why does law school have to be endured for 5 long years?! I'm currently sitting at home, dreading going back and hence am in the phase where I don't like college. So well - isn't it inequitable that friends from school doing a Bachelor in Arts / Science / Commerce degree, get to graduate two whole years before me?! And even those engineering people graduate a year before! It's so unfair! I don't wanna go back? Why does such regimentation in education have to be endured?! Why can't I just educate myself by reading as many Somerset Maughams and other authors that I like?! (Ok such 'revolutionary' thoughts have to be read in context of the mood that I am presently!)
3. Is the key to 'living life' to not take things too seriously? How does that work out ya? Is it 'cool' to break rules and not take them seriously? Is it 'cool' to take law school academics 'un'seriously when in the process I might just lose more years and stay for more than 5 yrs in that place?! How does one fall in love and not take it seriously?! A fling is different but how does one treat a relationship 'un'seriously only because apparently one is 'young' and has a lot more to see?
4. Last question - rather, set of questions. How does one compartmentalise stuff in one's brain and not let one thing affect the other? Does one have to pretend that something never happened so that it doesn't affect the other stuff?
Ok, those are my list of questions. Could someone please answer them?! Oh and a disclaimer before I sign off, I LOVE law school, it's just that it's end of hols and I don't wanna go back : ( !
Oh and does one just 'give up' when the other is confused? Is it an 'insult' to one's 'self-respect', is it self-humiliating and degrading to not give up? Is an agreement to 'discuss' things after a certain time period, to keep everything in 'abeyance' - does that signify the end? During that 'time period' what does one do? Treat the 'thing' you had as the end? Again what does one 'do' if it's the end? And then again, what if it's not the end? What if there still is love and before you say it, there is love enough? Can someone please answer these questions?!
2. To divert a little, why o why does law school have to be endured for 5 long years?! I'm currently sitting at home, dreading going back and hence am in the phase where I don't like college. So well - isn't it inequitable that friends from school doing a Bachelor in Arts / Science / Commerce degree, get to graduate two whole years before me?! And even those engineering people graduate a year before! It's so unfair! I don't wanna go back? Why does such regimentation in education have to be endured?! Why can't I just educate myself by reading as many Somerset Maughams and other authors that I like?! (Ok such 'revolutionary' thoughts have to be read in context of the mood that I am presently!)
3. Is the key to 'living life' to not take things too seriously? How does that work out ya? Is it 'cool' to break rules and not take them seriously? Is it 'cool' to take law school academics 'un'seriously when in the process I might just lose more years and stay for more than 5 yrs in that place?! How does one fall in love and not take it seriously?! A fling is different but how does one treat a relationship 'un'seriously only because apparently one is 'young' and has a lot more to see?
4. Last question - rather, set of questions. How does one compartmentalise stuff in one's brain and not let one thing affect the other? Does one have to pretend that something never happened so that it doesn't affect the other stuff?
Ok, those are my list of questions. Could someone please answer them?! Oh and a disclaimer before I sign off, I LOVE law school, it's just that it's end of hols and I don't wanna go back : ( !
Things I don't like in myself - a highly self obsessed post
I was sittimg in the living room, looking for 'material' to read. It's the holidays and I am bored. There was a Reader's Digest lying around. One of the articles had the heading - 'Little known signs of depression'. I was all eyes and ears ( does such a phrase actually exist?), having lately been a bit well not happy. There was a tussle in my mind - should I read it or not? What if I read it and become convinced that I suffer from clinical depression? What next? Do I consult a shrink (is that a pejorative term?) ? I dont want to. And I don't think I even want to know that I need to. Still I went ahead. Umm sadly, I became convinced as soon as I read it that I was suffering from clinical depression. Half an hour later I convinced myself that well I wasn't.
Such indecision sadly marks my life. Well I am convinced that I am not suffering from any clinical form of depression (rest assured.!)... but well what I am not happy about is this indecision. It has always been like this. Yes there are certain decisions that have been taken ( for instance - the decision to do law) - but there are few. I suspect the cause of this malady is a deep sense of insecurity and under-confidence (as has been pointed out by The Parents and a friend). But well I don't know what to do! I know what the problem is and why it's there. However I don't really have a solution. I refuse to resort to self-help 'motivational guides' ( I enjoy a deep aversion for them) or to cute quotes aiming at reinforcing self-belief. There are times when I do believe - but the fear that that self-belief will lead to unfeasible notions about oneself (yes, overconfidence) lies parallel to that. So, to put it in simple English, what to do?!
The next problem. My over-sensitiveness. My roommates in Bangalore will attest to that (if they are reading this, they'll be nodding their heads vigorously :D )! It is a probem yes. A small comment, a small gesture, MAGNIFIED reactions - and lots of tears! Frequent and ceaseless. And along with it, the ability to not forget and to think. Why is the latter a problem? As a certain Virgo (ass!) will say, I think too much. And he's probably right. I think too much, do not let go easily and well take small things to heart. It is a problem, yes. I want to 'harden' myself, 'toughen' myself up... but I fail repeatedly.
And the next now. My day-dreaming. I'll be sitting in a room, nodding to whatever X is saying, but you know what? I'm not really listening. I don't do this all the time or with everyone. There are a few who have the privilege of my full attention while they ramble :D I also know that other people zone out too ( I have accused my 'top bunk friend' (TBF, frm now on) about this a trillion times :D )... but well the problem is the frequency of zoning out. While class (ESPECIALLY sociology - no I like the subject, our teacher however isn't exactly inspiring) is a wonderful time to day dream, zoning out while your dad is trying to spend 'quality time' with you when you're back home from college, is not. It's cruel and mean no? Along with this tendency to day-dream is this penchant for creating alternate stories / worlds blah while someone is talking. Believe me, it's actually good fun. However I'm not sure whether it's healthy. Is it escapist? I'm not a practical person, I am not a realist. I'm fine with that. However I suspect I'm the other extreme - an escapist. And well that's not a nice thing is it?
So well, these are some of the stains on the shirt. I know that the first step towards correcting something is recognizing that a problem exists in the first place. So I guess I'm on the 'road to recovery'. Lol. I actually doubt that.
Also, after meeting TBF I've started believing more in well astrology. It's comforting to know that I am the way I am because of my sun sign (Pisces). It's reassuring to know that species like me exist elsewhere too. Hmm, I remember reading somewhere - 'Pisceans are emotionally unstable'. I actually snickered when I read that. Applying Lennon's lyrics in a very very different yet apt (in my opinion), 'You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one.'
Well obviously no parallels are being drawn with Lennon here (how I wish! actually on second thoughts, I don't want to be assassinated), but it's so true na?
Such indecision sadly marks my life. Well I am convinced that I am not suffering from any clinical form of depression (rest assured.!)... but well what I am not happy about is this indecision. It has always been like this. Yes there are certain decisions that have been taken ( for instance - the decision to do law) - but there are few. I suspect the cause of this malady is a deep sense of insecurity and under-confidence (as has been pointed out by The Parents and a friend). But well I don't know what to do! I know what the problem is and why it's there. However I don't really have a solution. I refuse to resort to self-help 'motivational guides' ( I enjoy a deep aversion for them) or to cute quotes aiming at reinforcing self-belief. There are times when I do believe - but the fear that that self-belief will lead to unfeasible notions about oneself (yes, overconfidence) lies parallel to that. So, to put it in simple English, what to do?!
The next problem. My over-sensitiveness. My roommates in Bangalore will attest to that (if they are reading this, they'll be nodding their heads vigorously :D )! It is a probem yes. A small comment, a small gesture, MAGNIFIED reactions - and lots of tears! Frequent and ceaseless. And along with it, the ability to not forget and to think. Why is the latter a problem? As a certain Virgo (ass!) will say, I think too much. And he's probably right. I think too much, do not let go easily and well take small things to heart. It is a problem, yes. I want to 'harden' myself, 'toughen' myself up... but I fail repeatedly.
And the next now. My day-dreaming. I'll be sitting in a room, nodding to whatever X is saying, but you know what? I'm not really listening. I don't do this all the time or with everyone. There are a few who have the privilege of my full attention while they ramble :D I also know that other people zone out too ( I have accused my 'top bunk friend' (TBF, frm now on) about this a trillion times :D )... but well the problem is the frequency of zoning out. While class (ESPECIALLY sociology - no I like the subject, our teacher however isn't exactly inspiring) is a wonderful time to day dream, zoning out while your dad is trying to spend 'quality time' with you when you're back home from college, is not. It's cruel and mean no? Along with this tendency to day-dream is this penchant for creating alternate stories / worlds blah while someone is talking. Believe me, it's actually good fun. However I'm not sure whether it's healthy. Is it escapist? I'm not a practical person, I am not a realist. I'm fine with that. However I suspect I'm the other extreme - an escapist. And well that's not a nice thing is it?
So well, these are some of the stains on the shirt. I know that the first step towards correcting something is recognizing that a problem exists in the first place. So I guess I'm on the 'road to recovery'. Lol. I actually doubt that.
Also, after meeting TBF I've started believing more in well astrology. It's comforting to know that I am the way I am because of my sun sign (Pisces). It's reassuring to know that species like me exist elsewhere too. Hmm, I remember reading somewhere - 'Pisceans are emotionally unstable'. I actually snickered when I read that. Applying Lennon's lyrics in a very very different yet apt (in my opinion), 'You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one.'
Well obviously no parallels are being drawn with Lennon here (how I wish! actually on second thoughts, I don't want to be assassinated), but it's so true na?
Post 1
Ok I know that is by far the most unimaginative title to a post... ever! Still, time to kickstart this blog.
So yes, I'm mighty excited.! I'm planning to go on a mass publicity seeking campaign in order to promote this blog. It's like a new baby na? Who knows - this might be the start of a flourishing career as a journalist of yours truly? Lol, yes am obviously kidding. I'm studying to be a lawyer, sigh. Yes, I am glad to be in law school, blah. And well I do like the law. However it has been a wish for some time to well go into the 'newspaper business' (how else does one put it?). So this is my current plan. Graduate from law school with top notch grades, get one of those lovely London jobs, work for a certain number of years and make as much moolah as possible. Then collaborate with this friend of mine (currently doing some awesome summer school programme in Berkeley and is otherwise at Xavier's, Bombay) and start some out-of-the-world newspaper / magazine / both. It'll obviously be a grand success. Oh and I'll leave all the organisational nitty-gritties to her. I'll just write these earth-shattering, awesomely successful articles which will 'have an impact'. :D In the meantime I'll go back to good, old lawyering. !
Sounds like a plan no? Sigh, if only if it were all so easy! There are obviously a lot of obstacles here. One - getting the grades. Sigh - the toughest part! Two - keeping in touch with this friend of mine. See, the plan of starting a newspaper was hatched way back in the 8th standard. It's well now a zillion years later. And lately, *making a guilty admission here*, I haven't kept in touch. It's a horrible habit of mine, especially because I hate it when certain people don't keep in touch! So if you're reading this S, I'm so sorry! And yeah, the third obstacle - writing stuff which 'have an impact'. !
But it can still be done na (yes, being positive here)? So let's see, I still have four more years (and not more! Touchwood .: )) ) before I graduate. So abhi time hain. !
Before I sign off, I must admit that when I re-read this post, it sounded pretty juvenile, non- I'm 19yrs type. Oh well, it must be kept in note that the writing skills are still rusty. !
And yes I know - I have to curb this incessant use f '!'s and ': )'s.
So yes, I'm mighty excited.! I'm planning to go on a mass publicity seeking campaign in order to promote this blog. It's like a new baby na? Who knows - this might be the start of a flourishing career as a journalist of yours truly? Lol, yes am obviously kidding. I'm studying to be a lawyer, sigh. Yes, I am glad to be in law school, blah. And well I do like the law. However it has been a wish for some time to well go into the 'newspaper business' (how else does one put it?). So this is my current plan. Graduate from law school with top notch grades, get one of those lovely London jobs, work for a certain number of years and make as much moolah as possible. Then collaborate with this friend of mine (currently doing some awesome summer school programme in Berkeley and is otherwise at Xavier's, Bombay) and start some out-of-the-world newspaper / magazine / both. It'll obviously be a grand success. Oh and I'll leave all the organisational nitty-gritties to her. I'll just write these earth-shattering, awesomely successful articles which will 'have an impact'. :D In the meantime I'll go back to good, old lawyering. !
Sounds like a plan no? Sigh, if only if it were all so easy! There are obviously a lot of obstacles here. One - getting the grades. Sigh - the toughest part! Two - keeping in touch with this friend of mine. See, the plan of starting a newspaper was hatched way back in the 8th standard. It's well now a zillion years later. And lately, *making a guilty admission here*, I haven't kept in touch. It's a horrible habit of mine, especially because I hate it when certain people don't keep in touch! So if you're reading this S, I'm so sorry! And yeah, the third obstacle - writing stuff which 'have an impact'. !
But it can still be done na (yes, being positive here)? So let's see, I still have four more years (and not more! Touchwood .: )) ) before I graduate. So abhi time hain. !
Before I sign off, I must admit that when I re-read this post, it sounded pretty juvenile, non- I'm 19yrs type. Oh well, it must be kept in note that the writing skills are still rusty. !
And yes I know - I have to curb this incessant use f '!'s and ': )'s.
Hello : )
Hello : )
I'm pretty much a novice at this, didn't want to blog earlier because am very very 'shy' about what I write. I would die rather than let anyone see what I've written! However I've obviously changed my stance on the same. I'm blogging partly becuase a. I'm really scared that law school and its insane workload is going to make me lose my 'ability' in non-academic writing b. For quite some time I've been feeling the need to 'let out' some of what I think. This again is because of the person I am. Something happens and I think about it and well I keep on thinking about it. This can drive one crazy, yes. Hence the need to jettison atleast some of it out of the system. Oh and therefore the name, 'Flotsam and Jetsam'.
Flotsam literally means the floating wreckage of a ship. Wreckage - rubbish, unimportant. I obviously wouldn't want to draw an analogy and label my posts the same : ) (lol, even if someone else might think so). However flotsam also implies throwing or jettisoning something (one has to throw the wreckage off the ship na?) and the phrase 'flotsam and jetsam' also connotes 'odds and ends'. So well, this is what my posts are going to be about. Odds and edds discarded from the brain. It's a kind of a 'spring-cleaning' of the brain, kind of like how Dumbledore does (reference -> the Pensieve... that's what it's called right?) in the Harry Potter series. Hmm, but I have a question here - does writing something down help one to get something 'out of the system'? See one of the reasons why I didn't want to blog earlier was because I assumed that it'll be too 'painful' to write something down (because that something will obviously be refreshed in one's mind in the process of writing it down). So the whole aim of the exercise - of 'letting it out' fails doesn't it? Besides since it is on paper now and has assumed permanent shape of some kind, one can always go back and read it na? The same applies to writing stuff down on diaries too right? So another question here - why do people keep diaries?
So well lots of qustions here. However, keeping all this aside for some time, have decided to blog anyway : ). Umm, welcome aboard then ( keeping with the ship analogy). I don't promise top-class writing or thoughts : ) You'll probably get bored anyway. ! Still, welcome : )
Hmm... feels good to write something after such a long time : ).
I'm pretty much a novice at this, didn't want to blog earlier because am very very 'shy' about what I write. I would die rather than let anyone see what I've written! However I've obviously changed my stance on the same. I'm blogging partly becuase a. I'm really scared that law school and its insane workload is going to make me lose my 'ability' in non-academic writing b. For quite some time I've been feeling the need to 'let out' some of what I think. This again is because of the person I am. Something happens and I think about it and well I keep on thinking about it. This can drive one crazy, yes. Hence the need to jettison atleast some of it out of the system. Oh and therefore the name, 'Flotsam and Jetsam'.
Flotsam literally means the floating wreckage of a ship. Wreckage - rubbish, unimportant. I obviously wouldn't want to draw an analogy and label my posts the same : ) (lol, even if someone else might think so). However flotsam also implies throwing or jettisoning something (one has to throw the wreckage off the ship na?) and the phrase 'flotsam and jetsam' also connotes 'odds and ends'. So well, this is what my posts are going to be about. Odds and edds discarded from the brain. It's a kind of a 'spring-cleaning' of the brain, kind of like how Dumbledore does (reference -> the Pensieve... that's what it's called right?) in the Harry Potter series. Hmm, but I have a question here - does writing something down help one to get something 'out of the system'? See one of the reasons why I didn't want to blog earlier was because I assumed that it'll be too 'painful' to write something down (because that something will obviously be refreshed in one's mind in the process of writing it down). So the whole aim of the exercise - of 'letting it out' fails doesn't it? Besides since it is on paper now and has assumed permanent shape of some kind, one can always go back and read it na? The same applies to writing stuff down on diaries too right? So another question here - why do people keep diaries?
So well lots of qustions here. However, keeping all this aside for some time, have decided to blog anyway : ). Umm, welcome aboard then ( keeping with the ship analogy). I don't promise top-class writing or thoughts : ) You'll probably get bored anyway. ! Still, welcome : )
Hmm... feels good to write something after such a long time : ).
