Family Matters

No, this post is not going to be about Mistry's book. It's going to be a random chronicle of observations made on a recent trip to Lucknow (where mum hails from) and Arrah (town in Bihar) where Dad hails from – all being done so that I write something on this blog at the least! It’s not been updated for the longest time.
So though all of my parents’ siblings no longer stay in Lucknow and Arrah (save for one) I have quite some distant family living there. Besides my grandparents and the house in which my dad grew up in is still there in Arrah. So essentially, I was swamped in family and family matters :).
Firstly, trip was overall a LOT of fun! I met tons of relatives and received lots of compliments (:D) and a lot of five hundred and one rupees and hundred and one rupees! So even managed to make a neat haul :D Apart from that, I've realised I genuinely enjoy meeting family. There is ALWAYS so much family gossip! I really understand now why serials like Kyunki Saas were such a major hit. There are also really nice stories about how things were back in some age, how "papa was when he was your age" stories! I also got to see some lovely black and white photographs of grandmas and great grandpas when they were young.
Secondly, I've realised that there's a whole lot of truth to the statement that marriages form the bedrock of society. They also form the core of family gossip. Every, EVERY meeting with some old family friend or member, involved some marriage gupshup. About how X is marrying Y against her family's wishes, about how good or bad the hospitality was at A's wedding, about how B never got invited to his own sister's daughter's wedding because of some fallout.
I also realized that dowry is very very much prevalent in Indian society, irrespective of whether there is a law preventing the same or not. It’s terribly disgusting and abhorrent but is yet a sad reality. So there was a lot of talk about how the boy’s family made the girl’s family give a dowry which comprised, inter alia, 12 lakh rupees, an AC, a car etc etc. An old servant at my grandparent’s place was explaining how the ‘system’ works. Basically, marriages reduce the girl’s family to nothing. It does not matter what the complexion of the groom is, the bride however must be ‘milky white’. If not, pay an additional lakh as ‘compensation’. The man who was telling us, had his generator (a very very essential device in a city where out of 24 hours there is no electricity for roughly 20 hours) lifted away by the groom’s family when they had come visiting. This in addition to the lakhs of money he had already paid. He also told us which profession is valued most in the ‘marriage market’. So it’s the IAS, IPS and the IFS officers who fetch the most dowries in the market. A P.O. (a Probational Officer or some such thing) in a bank is next. While privatization and liberalization arrived in India in the 90s, they haven’t percolated to the marriage market yet. Hence, males in the private sector fetch lesser dowry than the aforementioned. Therefore an engineer is valued lesser than a PO. Lawyers (and here he looked at me with a rueful smile) are at the bottom of the market (here my mum hastily intoned, “In our days, only they did law who could not do anything else”). My grandmother also told me about near relations, who were getting their daughter married. The girl met most of the criteria, except she was a tad too short. So ‘compensation’ was required. The family didn’t have so much money. The brother of the bride then offered to marry the sister of the groom (it’s called ‘gulat’ or some such thing), as that would result in a cancelling of most of the dowry amount…!
Hearing so many stories every day of a six day visit can certainly boggle the mind. Such stories really makes it clear how difficult it is to remove practise of such well-entrenched ‘customs’, legalizing something or ‘illegalising’ something is indeed only the first step. Moving on to lighter things, I saw a wide array of animals on the trip...! My grandparents’s house (I guess I could call it my ancestral house) is HUGE and is extremely open with courtyards in the centre etc. Consequently our house is in a lot of ways a place to take an afternoon siesta or to spend the night in for many varied animals. And I tend to be scared of anything which moves (except most human beings :D) (I use this line too often, I know!). Therefore it was a horrendous time for me when I chanced upon a mongoose (yes), many monkeys (I know), mice, rats (I saw my first rat there right after I read the word ‘rodent’ in some novel!) and baby rats !! Baby rats are the size of a deflated balloon and look like that too. They’re all pink with tiny limbs and one must be careful to not step on them. I felt extremely spooked out after I saw them, I will be frank enough to say that the sight of them made me feel squishy and weird. Sigh. Oh I obviously saw the traditional cow and elephant on the street, and even a camel!
Altogether, nice trip, but I’m glad to be home :) Now before I ramble too much, I’m abruptly ending this post now! I will try to write something better later! I think the holidays have dulled my senses and made my brain cells umm not work :D
Oh random part (if it can get more random) of the post –
1. I’m excited about Vikram Seth’s sequel to A Suitable Boy.
2. THREE of my FIRST cousins are getting married (yay) – but ALL in November, when I will be in law school! I really really want to attend all of them (I have been wanting to go to a family wedding for ages now, the last I attended was back in ’97), however we can only miss three classes in each subject (making that 12 classes in all as there are 4 subjects in each trimester) in a trimester without losing marks :( And the weddings and receptions are all in different places. One wedding is in Udaipur, another in Chennai, another in Chandigarh, and two receptions are in Delhi, and one in Udaipur. And a second cousin might get married too! The wedding will be in delhi, and the reception mostly in Pune! I cannot get over the unfairness of it all:( Apparently, it’s awesome mahurat in November :D However if I had my way, all weddings would be in February when we have hols!

Of Summer

Of ice-creams and bricks,
Of cold drinks and rasna in ice to create orange candy,

Of art class and casio class and once upon a time odissi class,

Of Holi and Mamma's birthday,

Of results and no school and Papa making plans,

Of Kwality in Calcutta and Eden Ice Cream Parlour in Bombay,

Of Mama and Delhi, Mausi and Noida, Baba-Dadi and Arrah, Nana-Nani and Lucknow,

Of pethas and Nani and mangoes,

Of discovering Mother Dairy and Mami's Cold Coffee,

Of dark room and swimming in Asiad and in Lake Castle Club,

Of langdas and alphansoes (or is it alphonsoes?),

Of cotton clothes and getting tanned and fretting over the latter,

Of many showers and beaches, Puri and Bombay,

Of Archies and Tintin and Asterix,

Of attempting to playing water polo and playing the rather simple, polo,

Of soup and Rajdhani,

Of changes in friendship dynamics (:)),

Of Baba and Pepsi,

Of horror movies and lays and Coke and Nitty's house,

Of Goa and tantrums (me),

Of Bhaiya always,

Of exams over and birthday gone,

Of cricket in the colony, and throwball in the building,

Of remembering some and forgetting the rest.

Summer's on the anvil, incessant perspiration is the first indicator. :) I was feeling a little nostalgic, and I was scared I'll forget what summers have been over the years. So here's a little reminder for myself :) Summer holidays are absolutely the best time ever! This time, like last year, I'm going to be in law school, and not at home. While I can't do some of the things mentioned above consequently, summers in law school are not that bad too (for instance there is always Univ Week to look forward to). Also, I just enjoyed 7 fantabulous weeks at home!

I wanted to know - what have your summers been like?

Hmm, ok I like presently - the book When We Were Orphans, by Kazuo Ishiguro. It has this lovely balanced pace to it. I thought that some things were too coincidental, but overall loved the book. Also, if you're reading this please please read Never Let Me Go! Stunning book, imo. Looking forward to reading The Remains of the Day, and picking up The Unconsoled from where I left it.

Yet Another Note on Slumdog Millionaire

I just heard that Slumdog Millionaire's (hereafter to be referred to as either 'Slumdog' or SM) got ten Oscar nominations, including three for Rahman, one of which he's been nominated along with Gulzar. Strange emotions actually engulfed me. I feel ecstatic for Rahman and Gulzar, really. Both are stupendous at their respective art. Not one to know much about lyrics (I have this thing, I know the song but never the lyrics), I do know a bit (a bit:)) more about melody and I personally think Rahman's made much better music in films like Dil Se, Roja, Yuva, Saathiya, Rang De Basanti, Guru... the list is endless. While 'Jai Ho' is nice, it just isn't the same as say 'Satrangi Re' or 'Fanaa' or well even a 'Mayya'. However since SM is a success, everything related to it is being noticed and so is Rahman's music. I'm glad nonetheless. Just read somewhere that Akon's asked him to do a song with him and even appear in his video :D While I hate his music (Mr. Lonely is top on that list), but never thought this day would come :D!
Anyway this post is more about the film itself. The film left me with this weird feeling. I've been in Bombay for almost 11 yrs now (2 of these have however been spent in B'lore now, and so will the next 3)... and I don't think Bombay's only about slums. I hence hated this aspect of the film. is a lot more to Bombay... and any news of the film's success made it sound to me like we were celebrating our own poverty. Surprisingly even Mr. Bachchan agrees! As usual, many have responded that he's just jealous of SM's success. He's obviously then said that he was 'misinterpreted' (on his blog, something which I plan to check out sometime). Some say it's the 'crab mentality' and how Indians can't wait to pull down an Indian who finally does well. Maybe it's true - I'd like to believe it's not.
Nonetheless a tiny bit of me kept on telling me about how Dharavi and slums like these do exist. As I've said this tons of times to my own friends, Bombay is a dirty city.. public sanitation is not one of its' plus points. I wondered if I was being overtly defensive? It is in so many ways such a typical reaction. It's similar to how I (and many of my friends) feel about law school - we criticise it endlessly amongst ourselves, but if any 'outsider' says anything even slightly negative, my claws are out! Besides, the film does have many other positive aspects - it's about hope and victory of, well, good over evil. The child actors are brilliant - I think they deserve more acclaim than anyone else in the cast. Dev Patel as the adult Jamaal is also good. Frieda Pinto, in my own opinion, is nothing great though :) The acting is decent, the music is good, there are many poignant scenes - overally, cinematically, the film is a treat. It is a total 'package' - drama, humour, dishoom-dishoom, romance, the Taj Mahal, communal riots and love transcending all religions, villainy and other barriers, the rags to riches story, the two brothers one all white (Jamaal), the other white to grey to black to grey to white finally (Salim); the poverty, the white tourists who are told what the 'real India' is... etc etc. Oh there's also a Bollywood dance sequence thrown in in the end, probably to satiate the tastes of Westerners wanting to see such a song and dance (I hated it). So it's full masala, something like Om Shanti Om (OSO) or Main Hoon Na (MHN) made by Farah Khan. It is in many ways very Bollywood-esque, yet that and not OSO is making the Oscar nomination list. Why?
Well for starters, admittedly SM is a decent to good film. It's moving and nice. Secondly, it is made by a Westerner, Danny Boyle of Trainspotting fame, of all people. So while some may only grudgingly admit that they 'okayed' OSO or MHN ('It's so corny ya, so Bollywood') SM's awesome. Maybe it's the white skin fascination or maybe I'm too much of a cynic (I still maintain that the film is pretty ok). Thirdly, the film does well abroad because 1. it's by Boyle, 2. it shows the 'real' India, shows the grime, the dust, the squalor - shows how a 'slumdog' overcomes all to succeed, 3. it's a decent film. My problem is with no. 2 (rather, 3.2). I might be wrong there... but I don't think so. And this is what irritates and saddens me. Boyle must be grinning away to glory right now - he's cashed in on our poverty and how. I agree that a large part of India is poor, I agree that we have zillions of slums...but it still saddens me that well our poverty is what is selling. Simultaneously I don't think this is a India centric problem. I'm sure other countries too are faced with this problem of cliched representations (simultaneously there is this thought jumping in my brain right now telling me that the essence of cliches is truth!). I haven't seen Amores Peres, but a friend has - she told me she loved it, but obviously Mexico (it's based there, right?) can't only be about that. I could also argue why an OSO can't win a Golden Globe if SM can - but admittedly, the idea sounds ludicruous. I could argue why Indian films which are more positive in their portayal of India can't win an Oscar - but save for RDB or Lagaan (and some other films), I can't think of brilliant Hindi cinema (I havent seen regional cinema, but have heard there are some gems there). Lastly, I could just say - why the hell should we care for an Oscar? Films are about entertainment, and if the audience is satisfied that is all - and maybe that indeed is enough. And finally, maybe I am being too much of a cynic - maybe SM is doing well because it is being perceived as being brilliant (I don't think the same personally... but well previous Oscar winners like Crash too have left me disappointed)... it is a nice film though... so maybe they do deserve all the accolades and acclaim.
However I can't help but sign off with two observations. One, I absolutely hate the scene where the adolescent Jamaal tells the American couple what the 'real' India is, and the couple respond by giving money and the line 'this is the real America'. So America is all benevolence and munificence and we are all corruption? Or maybe it's a spin on Americans and the American idea (is it?) that money is the solution to all problems (:D) (might be true, Boyle is not American, he's based in Britain!).
Two - Can anyone explain how Jamaal and Salim suddenly start speaking English when they land in Agra?! I know that commercially it would have been a bad idea for Boyle to make the film all Hindi, and I know we are supposed to suspend disbelief while watching films... but this was too incongruous to escape notice :D

Hmm, maybe, I should stop being such a cynic, and stop looking for conspiracy theories everywhere!