There are times when nothing seems to be going right, or something which really matters isn't going right. And then those adages denoting that everything will be alright, seem futile... and far out of touch with reality. There are things which are beyond one's control, but how does one just let it be, and let things evolve naturally? It's exasperating and frustrating.. and sad. I know that a zillion bad sad terrible things happens to other people too, but I still cant wonder why does something have to happen to me? And I know that life is great :) And it's criminal to be wasting life by being sad. Nonetheless at times I still rant and ask - why me?
Then there's the other thing about life being full of surprises. While that is nice and not so boring (and possibly 'it's all for the best'), don't you at times feel that it's also nice when things develop in the expected way?
I know this post isnt the best way to start a new year, but I really wanted to vent somewhere, somehow. So this. However I hold on, and have faith. I think it's so important to have faith no? Umm this post is kind of a plea to the powers that be (or 'there be', what is the expression?) and a venting post.
Very abrupt, I agree. :)
Oh and happy new year!Have an AWESOME year!
On travelling alone, related observations and some disconnected ones
So yesterday I travelled alone on a flight for the first time... yes I guess shocking when I'm 19 (a friend of mine was 6 when she travelled alone on a flight for the first time). Anyway it was an exhilirating feeling. I don't think it was about flying per se... it was more about the solitude and the 'alone' time. Some time ago I had been scared about being 'alone'... now I think I value the away time. Yesterday was a fun day! I window shopped at the airport (BIAL should get more shops in my opinion), had a sinful delight (a chocolate ice cream milk shake :D I'm not supposed to have milk, especially cold milk), sat at the terminal and read a book after the longest time (Atonement, by Ian McEwan, nice :)), watched Friends on the flight (Kingfisher! Ok i usually go home either by IndiGo or Spice, but this time this was the only flight at the convenient time :P), watched bits of Pardes and Shahrukh singing 'Yeh Dil...Deewana' (sigh), and ate chocolate cake (another forbidden fruit!), the rest of the food sucked. I loved it. There are so many million trillion zillion things one can do when one's alone, it's beautiful. I like things to be the way I want them to be, obviously. However when X and Y are also involved in whatever you're doing, you have to be nice and sensitive and mindful of what they think or what they want ... or you're being 'watched'! When one is alone one can do whatever one wants...... you're literally creating your own world, and hence you are responsible for whatever you do... it's a nice feeling :) I love being around people, some people... but I love my own private space too, behind closed doors, oblivious to the world.
Ok now for the other disconnected observations.
1. At BIAL (basically B'lore airport), when one is being frisked (the word has a certain criminal connotation to it, I agree) before one enters the check in area, there is only one entrance for women but some three for men. End result - women have to wait in the single queue for AGES while the men get in way faster. I think I've mentioned this somewhere else too, I'm not a hard core feminist (I don't know what I mean exactly by that... but still!).. however how blatantly gender biased can one get?! So the BIAL admin thinks that women don't travel?! SO weird! So that's the second suggestion for change on my part - make the no. of frisking counters equal for men and women!
2. Ok so I was frisked...and I cleared it, but my purse didn't. I was worried. I had kept a metal chain inside (the one with which one locks their luggage in a train), had forgotten to remove it, so it got confiscated. In the process however, the checking lady emptied the entire contents of my purse. I was SO embarrassed. It was as if a part of me was being exposed to the world - little slips of paper of great meaning, tiny trinkets which were gifts from friends, a comb, a hair band, two diaries and lots of other things which I wouldn't mention here, EVERYTHING was taken out! There's this saying - the eyes are the windows to one's soul. Well I would say, so is a woman's purse for her! I have this habit of collecting and keeping stuff (as a kid I was a like a little magpie, everything which seemed precious to my five year old self would go into my 'magic' box... so whenever my parents or brother lost something, they would never forget to check my box.. no I am not a thief now!).. I'm trying to discard things now, but it's slow process... so now my purse often replaces my magic box :)
3. The totally disconnected observation. Our Minority Affairs Min, Antulay is, to use a law school term, quite a 'prick'. By flouting conspiracy theories about the awesome cop Karkare's death, he's made a smooth move for himself. However it's jeopardising our anti-terrorism campaign and how. The Times of India has a column called 'The Pak Express' or some such thing - it basically chronicles news reports from Pakisatani newspapers like Dawn. So today I read the column - and these newspapers are questioning India's locus standi vis-a-vis pointing fingers at Pak for its failure to ban the terrorist outfits in their backyard. There's this one newspaper which is questioning India's 'secular' credentials (the conspiracy theory is that Karkare - who was investigating the Malegaon blasts, allegedly carried out by Hindutva organisations - was deliberately taken to the wrong hospital or some such thing, and this was rigged by the aforementioned orgs). I agree that India is not the most secular state - the Godhra riots are the biggest testimony to that. Nonetheless, there is always a time for saying some things. In my opinion, given the gravity of the Mumbai blasts (horrific, depressing, devastating... words are not enough to describe them) India needs to adopt a hardline stance towards curbing terrorism. Given this, when a Union Min comes forth and says that not Pak but an Indian outfit is responsible for the super cop's death, it's a clear breach of the idea of collective responsibility. Yes the theory needs to be investigated, but it can be done discreetly initially. And it's not as if the man really cares for the minorities. As MJ Akbar's written in this artice in the Sunday Times, the man has the unique distinction of being the first Union Min Affairs min who has done nothing for minorities. For Antulay, it's about pure vote bank politics and self aggrandisation. He's himself said in an interview that before this he was nothing, and now he's all important. Congress has to think twice before they can remove hm because he claims that the minorities love him. It's a well planned move. Smart, slick and sick.
Ok now for the other disconnected observations.
1. At BIAL (basically B'lore airport), when one is being frisked (the word has a certain criminal connotation to it, I agree) before one enters the check in area, there is only one entrance for women but some three for men. End result - women have to wait in the single queue for AGES while the men get in way faster. I think I've mentioned this somewhere else too, I'm not a hard core feminist (I don't know what I mean exactly by that... but still!).. however how blatantly gender biased can one get?! So the BIAL admin thinks that women don't travel?! SO weird! So that's the second suggestion for change on my part - make the no. of frisking counters equal for men and women!
2. Ok so I was frisked...and I cleared it, but my purse didn't. I was worried. I had kept a metal chain inside (the one with which one locks their luggage in a train), had forgotten to remove it, so it got confiscated. In the process however, the checking lady emptied the entire contents of my purse. I was SO embarrassed. It was as if a part of me was being exposed to the world - little slips of paper of great meaning, tiny trinkets which were gifts from friends, a comb, a hair band, two diaries and lots of other things which I wouldn't mention here, EVERYTHING was taken out! There's this saying - the eyes are the windows to one's soul. Well I would say, so is a woman's purse for her! I have this habit of collecting and keeping stuff (as a kid I was a like a little magpie, everything which seemed precious to my five year old self would go into my 'magic' box... so whenever my parents or brother lost something, they would never forget to check my box.. no I am not a thief now!).. I'm trying to discard things now, but it's slow process... so now my purse often replaces my magic box :)
3. The totally disconnected observation. Our Minority Affairs Min, Antulay is, to use a law school term, quite a 'prick'. By flouting conspiracy theories about the awesome cop Karkare's death, he's made a smooth move for himself. However it's jeopardising our anti-terrorism campaign and how. The Times of India has a column called 'The Pak Express' or some such thing - it basically chronicles news reports from Pakisatani newspapers like Dawn. So today I read the column - and these newspapers are questioning India's locus standi vis-a-vis pointing fingers at Pak for its failure to ban the terrorist outfits in their backyard. There's this one newspaper which is questioning India's 'secular' credentials (the conspiracy theory is that Karkare - who was investigating the Malegaon blasts, allegedly carried out by Hindutva organisations - was deliberately taken to the wrong hospital or some such thing, and this was rigged by the aforementioned orgs). I agree that India is not the most secular state - the Godhra riots are the biggest testimony to that. Nonetheless, there is always a time for saying some things. In my opinion, given the gravity of the Mumbai blasts (horrific, depressing, devastating... words are not enough to describe them) India needs to adopt a hardline stance towards curbing terrorism. Given this, when a Union Min comes forth and says that not Pak but an Indian outfit is responsible for the super cop's death, it's a clear breach of the idea of collective responsibility. Yes the theory needs to be investigated, but it can be done discreetly initially. And it's not as if the man really cares for the minorities. As MJ Akbar's written in this artice in the Sunday Times, the man has the unique distinction of being the first Union Min Affairs min who has done nothing for minorities. For Antulay, it's about pure vote bank politics and self aggrandisation. He's himself said in an interview that before this he was nothing, and now he's all important. Congress has to think twice before they can remove hm because he claims that the minorities love him. It's a well planned move. Smart, slick and sick.
thank you!
This is my ‘Thank you God for all the awesomeness in the world’ post :) Ok, so well thank you for all the lovely people – parents who stay awake to see if you’re fine, parents who sense the slightest problem, the slightest discomfort. Parents who keep on worrying about your health, family who goes out of the way to make your life easy. Brothers who call you all the time, brothers who inspire you to work and be good human beings, brothers who also make calls from foreign lands to simply wish you for exams or find out how you’re doing. Friends, boyfriends, girlfriends who make calls from faraway lands to see if you’re doing fine, to wish you on your birthday, to listen patiently to your zillion real and imaginary problems, to simply know if you actually are ok, to talk to you when you think you are losing it, to instill sense and confidence in you when you think you have neither ability nor logic. Roommates who leave everything and rush to you when you’re going through some ‘traumatic’ time; friends who accompany you to the doctor, to the market, to dinner. Friends who are there when some others aren't, friends who are there to tell you you are wrong when you think everything in you is wrong. Friends who understand why you are ‘off’ without you having to tell them that you are, friends who instantly sms or message online then. Friends who cry, laugh and bond (rather ‘re-bond’ :D) with you in foreign lands! Friends, girlfriends and boyfriends who reply ‘comprehensively’ to your long rambling mails, or who call as soon as they read them (I suspect the latter is because they’re too lazy to write back… but still!). Ok so well, I know this is a highly gushy mail, slightly uncharacteristic of me, but well I’m in one of those corny moods presently… which legitimises everything :D. So, to reiterate, thank you!
dfjgjskgjsjsl
Ok i think this writing this works. Often when I'm writing something down, questioning something, I find the answer ... because I write that down eventually :) Just thought I'll mention it!
.
He sits. And watches. It's the same story, all over again. The two are at it again. It's the same as before, the bad same. There is no talking. Just cold silences. Communication through him. The same complaints, conveyed silently by one and verbally by the other.
There is the same irritation. The same stagnancy. Each side is justified in persisting with the old. But why o why does he have to be subjected to it? Or wait, it's only fair, isn't it? He has to listen. Give. Otherwise it'll be selfish.
Nevertheless is this what he has to come back to always?
However, always, there are happy endings. Are these happy endings cure alls, panaceas? Dunno. However there is light at the end of the tunnel. This seems to be too long a tunnel though. God, please press the fast forward button :)
Or wait, ok, let's stick to normal pace, I guess the wait is what will make everything worth.
However, in the meantime just hold on to him :)
There is the same irritation. The same stagnancy. Each side is justified in persisting with the old. But why o why does he have to be subjected to it? Or wait, it's only fair, isn't it? He has to listen. Give. Otherwise it'll be selfish.
Nevertheless is this what he has to come back to always?
However, always, there are happy endings. Are these happy endings cure alls, panaceas? Dunno. However there is light at the end of the tunnel. This seems to be too long a tunnel though. God, please press the fast forward button :)
Or wait, ok, let's stick to normal pace, I guess the wait is what will make everything worth.
However, in the meantime just hold on to him :)
Random question
Have you ever felt that you want to insulate yourself from everything? You know, enter a glass box...more like an opaque box... or have some shield around you (radiation shield is that it?), put on sheaths of protective gear and just hide, shield... just get away? Is it escapist? and is being escapist bad? then is hibernation escapist?! hibernating till the sun comes out?!
Books!
Someone recently, quite unassumingly, told me that I have limited interests. It wasn’t an accusation or anything… just a simple statement of what that someone believed was fact. So I thought about it. Thought quite a bit, for after all, it isn’t a very nice thing to be characterised by, is it?! I realized that I do have a lot of varied interests… it’s just that they can’t all be put into nice, neat categories. Everything, to put it simply, is quite jumbled up… like the rest of my ‘self’! My room and my cupboard is a testimony to that. My brain functions in a similar way too. Nothing is neat. While this does cause agony at times (recent events will confirm this!)… it’s not a bad thing I’ve kind of realized that it’s fine not to know at times what is it that I want, it’s fine to not know what is it that I want to do in future, it’s kind of ok to mess everything up in the head and in reality (like how!) and hence take things headlong… because well I’m made that way… and so it is fine. Maybe not perfect, but then again, nothing is.
Now coming back to the interests thing. While I am genuinely interested in a lot of things, it would be too tiresome to list all of them down here. The overriding interest, which is what I’m going to talk about now, is my reading. Most of my nineteen years (yes, it has been only so many years :D) has been characterised by books. I don’t remember when exactly it was that I started reading. I know that it was my brother who hooked me onto it though. As a kid, my brother read everything. If there was nothing else to grab onto, he would read the railway timetable and memorise the same (yeah, unreal). When we had a scooter, brother would be standing ahead, while the vehicle was moving… and he would be reading. When my cousin sister got new books, brother would proceed to read them first… and then shred the book to pieces (some weird child psychology I guess). So well you can guess where the interest comes from then.
I’ve not read a lot… as in, there’s still so much more to read! However, what I’ve realized is that a lot of what I do or like has been influenced by what I read. I guess this is a natural conclusion… it’s just that the same has to be asserted again! Before one gets an ‘interest’, one has to be ‘curious’ about it. It’s only when one is curious, and acts upon that curiosity, that one comes to know whether the thing that one was curious about is interesting or not. I think reading provides one of the platforms for such ‘discovery’. One example of this would be how some people who are presently in law school became interested in law because they started reading John Grishams (it’s similar to how I always want to be this hotshot surgeon when I see Grey’s Anatomy or wish I could be a stunning basketball player whenever I see One Tree Hill!). So suppose X reads a Grisham (an author which, with the exception of ‘The Firm’ I have never read… quite a loss I guess), he becomes interested in the law profession. He looks up law related stuff. Decides he wants to get into law school. Gets in. Then studies the law there. Likes it, maybe loves it even. Voila! ‘Law’ is an interest now… initiated through the process of reading :D
Maybe the above example sounds juvenile to you. But it can be true you know! Plus an interest does not mean that you have to know everything under the sun about that subject. It anyway is not possible to know everything…! So when I started reading Isaac Asimov I fell in love with the science fiction genre. Anything related to robotics seemed interesting. I shamelessly admit that I still know nothing about robotics except the three law of robotics and some other stuff what Asimov talks about. But I still have that minimal knowledge… and that is gratifying Another example is my fascination for the field of criminology (ok I know that sounds a little pompous!) I LOVE Agatha Christie and her work. Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple’s various exploits made me interested in the genre of crime, mystery blah I then went on to read ‘Crime and Punishment’ and ‘My Brothers Karamazov’… both fuelled that interest. Sherlock Holmes helped a bit too. So that’s another genre I love.
Then there is humour and there is Wodehouse. There is fantasy and there is Potter, Eragon, the Bartimaeus (or however it is spelt) trilogy. There is school and there is St. Clair’s, Malory (or Mallory?)Towers, Sweet Valley (yes you heard right :D). There is the ‘future’ and there is 1984 and Asimov. There is the classic and there is Austen, Eliot, Maugham, Woolf, Bronte, Dickens, the book Polyanna…and so on. There is even horror and umm, R.L. Stine (I haven’t read Stephen King, and read only one Higgins Clark… so umm, Stine is the only one in the horror genre for me ). There is ‘inspiring’ and there is Roots (Alex Haley, an all time favourite), To Kill a Mockingbird, My Experiments With Truth. There is fascinating and there is Freedom At Midnight and Indira. There are let-downs and there is Kiran Desai (for me, that is), The Gathering, and the 6th Harry Potter book. There is philosophy and there is Sophie’s Choice. There is time pass and there is Jhumpa Lahiri, Chitra Banerjee Divakurni (or however you spell it), Erich Segal, Jeffrey Archer, chick lit, nri lit…and so on! There is self help and there is the Chicken Soup series or the Seven Habits series. There is Bollywood gossip and there is Filmfare, Stardust, Bombay Times, Mumbai Mirror, Bangalore Times. There is ‘chick’ stuff and there is Cosmopolitan, Femina and so on. There is news and there is The Hindu, the Times of India, Frontline. There is fraud and yet pain…and there is Frey and his million little pieces, Kaavya Vishwanathan and her book. To put it in one word, there is life…and there is Rushdie, Wells, Yann Martel, Anita Desai, Ishiguro, Vikram Seth, Amitav Ghosh, Hosseini, Atwood (The Blind Assassin, do read that!), Pahmuk (have I spelt it right?), Tinkle, Ruskin Bond, Amar Chitra Katha, Coelho, Archies, Tintin, Readers’ Digest, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, R. Mistry, Nehru and his Glimpses, Asterix, Noddy, Champak, Shakespeare, Saki, O Henry, Dahl, Brown, Narayan, Maupassant. There is, simply, just so so SO much that all can’t possibly be listed down here!
Hence, and I know my aforementioned friend also believes the same, reading is not ‘one’ interest. It is a gateaway to so many lovely things. It isn’t about articulating that you know X or Y, it’s simply about knowing something about it, or basically having the ‘feel’ of it When I was trying to assess whether I have limited interests or not, I had done some bit of introspection. Initially there had been some remorse…save for some other things, it seemed to be that my entire life till now had been about reading. However better sense dawned. I realize now that the fact that I’ve whatever I have till now is more than enough. It is only through reading that I know a lot of things, which I wouldn’t have otherwise. So well I’m proud of the fact that I’m a ‘bookworm’. Consequently I disagree quite vehemently with some of those friends back in school who could not fathom why I read so much, when there was already Chem, Bio and Physics to read! So well, that is all.
Now coming back to the interests thing. While I am genuinely interested in a lot of things, it would be too tiresome to list all of them down here. The overriding interest, which is what I’m going to talk about now, is my reading. Most of my nineteen years (yes, it has been only so many years :D) has been characterised by books. I don’t remember when exactly it was that I started reading. I know that it was my brother who hooked me onto it though. As a kid, my brother read everything. If there was nothing else to grab onto, he would read the railway timetable and memorise the same (yeah, unreal). When we had a scooter, brother would be standing ahead, while the vehicle was moving… and he would be reading. When my cousin sister got new books, brother would proceed to read them first… and then shred the book to pieces (some weird child psychology I guess). So well you can guess where the interest comes from then.
I’ve not read a lot… as in, there’s still so much more to read! However, what I’ve realized is that a lot of what I do or like has been influenced by what I read. I guess this is a natural conclusion… it’s just that the same has to be asserted again! Before one gets an ‘interest’, one has to be ‘curious’ about it. It’s only when one is curious, and acts upon that curiosity, that one comes to know whether the thing that one was curious about is interesting or not. I think reading provides one of the platforms for such ‘discovery’. One example of this would be how some people who are presently in law school became interested in law because they started reading John Grishams (it’s similar to how I always want to be this hotshot surgeon when I see Grey’s Anatomy or wish I could be a stunning basketball player whenever I see One Tree Hill!). So suppose X reads a Grisham (an author which, with the exception of ‘The Firm’ I have never read… quite a loss I guess), he becomes interested in the law profession. He looks up law related stuff. Decides he wants to get into law school. Gets in. Then studies the law there. Likes it, maybe loves it even. Voila! ‘Law’ is an interest now… initiated through the process of reading :D
Maybe the above example sounds juvenile to you. But it can be true you know! Plus an interest does not mean that you have to know everything under the sun about that subject. It anyway is not possible to know everything…! So when I started reading Isaac Asimov I fell in love with the science fiction genre. Anything related to robotics seemed interesting. I shamelessly admit that I still know nothing about robotics except the three law of robotics and some other stuff what Asimov talks about. But I still have that minimal knowledge… and that is gratifying Another example is my fascination for the field of criminology (ok I know that sounds a little pompous!) I LOVE Agatha Christie and her work. Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple’s various exploits made me interested in the genre of crime, mystery blah I then went on to read ‘Crime and Punishment’ and ‘My Brothers Karamazov’… both fuelled that interest. Sherlock Holmes helped a bit too. So that’s another genre I love.
Then there is humour and there is Wodehouse. There is fantasy and there is Potter, Eragon, the Bartimaeus (or however it is spelt) trilogy. There is school and there is St. Clair’s, Malory (or Mallory?)Towers, Sweet Valley (yes you heard right :D). There is the ‘future’ and there is 1984 and Asimov. There is the classic and there is Austen, Eliot, Maugham, Woolf, Bronte, Dickens, the book Polyanna…and so on. There is even horror and umm, R.L. Stine (I haven’t read Stephen King, and read only one Higgins Clark… so umm, Stine is the only one in the horror genre for me ). There is ‘inspiring’ and there is Roots (Alex Haley, an all time favourite), To Kill a Mockingbird, My Experiments With Truth. There is fascinating and there is Freedom At Midnight and Indira. There are let-downs and there is Kiran Desai (for me, that is), The Gathering, and the 6th Harry Potter book. There is philosophy and there is Sophie’s Choice. There is time pass and there is Jhumpa Lahiri, Chitra Banerjee Divakurni (or however you spell it), Erich Segal, Jeffrey Archer, chick lit, nri lit…and so on! There is self help and there is the Chicken Soup series or the Seven Habits series. There is Bollywood gossip and there is Filmfare, Stardust, Bombay Times, Mumbai Mirror, Bangalore Times. There is ‘chick’ stuff and there is Cosmopolitan, Femina and so on. There is news and there is The Hindu, the Times of India, Frontline. There is fraud and yet pain…and there is Frey and his million little pieces, Kaavya Vishwanathan and her book. To put it in one word, there is life…and there is Rushdie, Wells, Yann Martel, Anita Desai, Ishiguro, Vikram Seth, Amitav Ghosh, Hosseini, Atwood (The Blind Assassin, do read that!), Pahmuk (have I spelt it right?), Tinkle, Ruskin Bond, Amar Chitra Katha, Coelho, Archies, Tintin, Readers’ Digest, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, R. Mistry, Nehru and his Glimpses, Asterix, Noddy, Champak, Shakespeare, Saki, O Henry, Dahl, Brown, Narayan, Maupassant. There is, simply, just so so SO much that all can’t possibly be listed down here!
Hence, and I know my aforementioned friend also believes the same, reading is not ‘one’ interest. It is a gateaway to so many lovely things. It isn’t about articulating that you know X or Y, it’s simply about knowing something about it, or basically having the ‘feel’ of it When I was trying to assess whether I have limited interests or not, I had done some bit of introspection. Initially there had been some remorse…save for some other things, it seemed to be that my entire life till now had been about reading. However better sense dawned. I realize now that the fact that I’ve whatever I have till now is more than enough. It is only through reading that I know a lot of things, which I wouldn’t have otherwise. So well I’m proud of the fact that I’m a ‘bookworm’. Consequently I disagree quite vehemently with some of those friends back in school who could not fathom why I read so much, when there was already Chem, Bio and Physics to read! So well, that is all.
